Ten Ways to Grow Your Relationship with God

God built us for relationship.  He made us to be in relationship with him and with each other.  So, the things that work to build strong, healthy relationships with people also work to build a relationship with God.

Here are ten ways to build any relationship; see how applying them to your relationship with God can enhance your spiritual life.

1. Talk regularly. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to "pray continually." No relationship can grow without communication.  Make sure to spend time talking to God on a regular basis.  This can be a formal, sit-down conversation during your daily devotional time, or it can be thoughts shared casually, on the go, in your car or office or laundry room or wherever you happen to be at the time.  Tell God what you're thinking about, what's good in your life, what's bad, what you wonder, anything at all.  Just keep talking to him.


2. Listen carefully. Relationships where one person does all the talking and the other only listens can get a bit one-sided.  Like Samuel, learn to say, "Speak, Lord, for your servant is listening." Bible reading and study is an essential piece of this; the Bible provides the clearest, most detailed message from God that we have available.


3. Set aside time to focus on each other.  Make time to spend with God daily, to "be still and know that [he is] God" (Psalm 46:10).  If you're busy, it may be just a few minutes to check in when you first wake up or before you go to bed.  Beyond the daily routine, be sure to schedule larger blocks of time when you can focus on God and allow his presence to fully surround you.  Sabbath is a great weekly time for this, and you may also want to consider taking a longer retreat as a "vacation with God" once or twice a year.


4. Share words of affirmation. Telling another person exactly what you appreciate about him or her is a great way to strengthen a relationship.  It can help make you more aware of the good things in your friendship, and it makes the other person feel cared for and valued as well.  Psalm 22:3 says that God inhabits or is enthroned on our praise.  So, when we acknowledge his goodness and faithfulness, it makes a space in our lives for him to enter.


5. Take responsibility and apologize when you've done something wrong.  Few things are more difficult than being in a relationship with someone who won't admit when they've done something wrong.  Be honest with yourself and with God about the ways you've messed up and apologize sincerely.  1 John 1:9 promises that if we do this, God will not only forgive us but also help us avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.


6. Keep talking, even when you're mad.  Nothing will kill a relationship faster than silence.  Even when you are angry, or sad, or frustrated with him, keep talking to God.  The whole book of Job is basically Job's rant at God about how unfair his life is.  In the end, God shows up for a personal one-on-one with him.  Sometimes, the times we're angry offer the greatest opportunities for relationship growth.


7. Get to know his friends. You can learn a lot about people from the company they keep, and it's pretty difficult to maintain a relationship in which you don't like hanging out with the same people.  Hebrews 10:25 reminds us how important it is to gather with fellow believers for encouragement, so make sure you find other people who love God and spend time with them.


8. Trust him enough to let him surprise you.  Surprise parties don't work very well for someone who always has to be in control.  Pick something God has asked you to do that you don't fully understand the reason for, and try it.  See how it turns out.  He longs to do "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20), so you might be surprised at the blessings he has waiting for you!


9. Work on projects together.  As anyone who has worked at summer camp knows, nothing builds relationships faster than taking on a big project as a team.  Although Jesus spent a lot of time teaching the disciples, he also got them actively involved in ministering to others right away.  What can you and God do together? Ask him what he has in mind, or look for things he's already doing that you can join in.


10. Enjoy the relationship.  Relationships work best when we're not in them to get something out of the other person, but just because we enjoy being around each other. The heart cry of God in Scripture, from Eden to the wilderness tabernacle to Jesus to the New Jerusalem, is to dwell with his people.  He just wants to be with us.  He doesn't want us to be in a relationship with him so we can "get saved;" he wants to save us so we can be in relationship.  He doesn't want us to talk to him so he can answer our prayers; he wants to answer our prayers because he loves us.  Focusing on a God relationally means shifting our focus to enjoying the time we are able to spend together and cherishing how the relationship grows and deepens over time. 

These are ten ways to deepen any relationship, and they work for God, too.  What other relationship secrets have you discovered?  Please share in the comments below.